I feel empty and alone

Hello ducklings!

I have a problem that has been bothering me for quite a while.

I turned to a member of the Ugly Ducklings team and I got the idea of ​​publishing my problem here, since you are all amazing and you can probably help me.

A while ago I realized that I felt “empty” and alone, and I was filling my life with activities and hobbies that I did not necessarily want to do. But anyway I gave them a try. However, I realized it wasn’t really something I liked and I quit.

Since then I’ve been trying to find myself again.

 

But it is very difficult because that’s something I must do alone I think. So I started to engage in new activities that I like, in order to find where I want to go in life.

It went well, but when I’m home alone or at work where there is no people who are talking to me constantly I start feeling very apprehensive and nervous.

I’m worried, because I can’t focus and I keep thinking that time passes very slowly, and that makes me feel like I want to run away. When I’m alone in my house it’s not as drastic as when I’m at work, but still, I have days when I think about whether I’m doing things right or not.

Anxiety comes to me like a storm, so I end up eating a lot of sweets. The last time I did that was two days ago. I’m triying to stay calm and think positively and I would really love it if you guys could help me with any kind of advice or encouraging words.

Thanks in advance!

– Ariel*

Ariel is a fellow ugly duckling who has been part of the community for around a year. She is 19 years old, and she wrote an Ugly Duckling Story that we posted a few months ago.

If you have any words of advice please add them as a comment below. Thank you. We will make sure she reads them.

Allison’s Ugly Duckling Story

Allison is one of the members of the #Original10. She opened her heart to us and all the community to show us that she is working hard and not giving up.

When I was in fourth grade I failed a state test. By failed I mean the school called my parents to offer me special learning services.

It was bad.

I was put in the LRC (Learning Resource Center). I did not understand why I was there. I mean, it was one test and why was that one test so important that I needed to have special services? The other kids that were in the LRC were there because they had learning disabilities. But I didn’t, right?

I forced my parents to take me out of the LRC because I felt I was there for no reason. That year I started really struggling with school. I knew something was wrong, and tried to convince my parents that I had a learning disability because to me, that was the only explanation. Of course they did not believe me because I was nine. But I couldn’t do a lot of things that most nine year olds could do which I knew wasn’t right.

By sixth grade I was very frustrated. I was really struggling with school. I was still trying to convince my parents that I had a learning disability but they told me to just stay after more with my teachers and I would get it. But I didn’t get it. I felt stupid. I felt like an idiot. I couldn’t tell time, I couldn’t graph, I couldn’t do geometry, and I didn’t know the difference between nickels, dimes, and quarters.

I knew something was wrong. In eighth grade I was struggling a lot with math and science. I came home one day to my mom in a panic because I had stayed after trying to go over a graph with my teacher and no matter how many times he showed me what to do, I couldn’t do it. I knew that this was more than just not understanding how to graph. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand it, it was that I couldn’t do it. She told me she had already been looking into having me tested for learning disabilities.

So I got tested. The testing took two days and was the most mentally draining experience I have ever had. The details of those tests aren’t really important, but it was four hours of tests, and it was clear something was wrong, because, before the end of the testing, the doctor called my mom in to tell her that something was definitely wrong. I did have a learning disability, and an eye problem. What I have is called a non-verbal learning disability.

That is pretty much a catchall phrase for so many things, but for me it means I do not understand visual information. When I learn verbally I’m in the 99th percentile, but when I learn visually, I’m in the 4th percentile. That’s why I wasn’t able to do all of those things I listed before, like telling time, graphing etc. I also have some eye problems. Not sight problems. I have 20/20 vision.

But, the muscles in my eyes do not work correctly. I can’t exactly explain the problems well because I don’t completely understand them, haha, but I have a convergence disorder, a divergence disorder, accommodation problems, and tracking issues. Pretty much my eye muscles don’t work right in so many ways. I have to go to vision therapy to correct these problems. It’s hard. School can be hard, especially math and science. But I’m doing okay. I’m getting through it. I need to re-learn what I have already learned. I need to learn how to learn basically.

I will have to deal with this my whole life, but it’s okay. It makes me stronger.

Jennifer Morrison once said, “be brave enough to be yourself” and that is what I intend to do.

– Allison

Grey’s Anatomy’s April: “I’m a swan”

This is the badge that all our duckling stories get after they’re published

At the first mention of the word “ducky” on Grey’s Anatomy last Thursday night, I smiled and thought “I’ll have to think of a tweet to share that with the Ugly Ducklings”.

At first, I thought the nickname the character April (played by actress Sarah Drew) had been given by her three sisters who we meet for the first time in this episode was just something cute. “Ducky”. I’ve heard lots of nicknames like this. Perhaps she used to love ducks. Perhaps she loved “The Land Before Time”.

My childhood nickname comes from three movies that I watched over and over again that all had the same name in them. I assumed this was something Shonda Rhimes, creator and writer for Grey’s Anatomy, was trying to do.

But I should have known better. Shonda Rhimes doesn’t do anything arbitrarily, and of course, this nickname opened up an opportunity for this character to grow and stand up for herself.

It turns out, April’s sisters gave her this nickname because she was the “ugly duckling” growing up. She was different from them, but like so many of us, when she was a young woman.

But not anymore… check out this clip of April finally standing up for herself. Listen to her words. Is she a swan or what?

Thank you, Shonda Rhimes for writing this into the show. This is brilliant, and it’s exactly the message we are trying to spread: life is about becoming, being different isn’t bad, and everyone will become the beautiful swan they are meant to become.

– Erin J

PS: The badge you saw above is all over our Swans page. And you can visit it and read stories by our brave ducklings. Click here.

 

A message from Mariah…

This past week has been the worst week in my short 20 years of life.

For those of you who don’t know, on Thursday July 18^th I lost my Nana to cancer.  It was the worst day of my life.  Upon hearing that she had passed, my heart sank. I felt as though part of it had been ripped out, and that my world was coming to an end.  I dreaded having to go to her funeral because it meant having to say goodbye.

On the morning of the funeral I sent out a message on Facebook and Twitter, asking for thoughts and prayers to help me get through it.  I entered the funeral home and took my seat.  I listened as the pastor talked about my Nana, and although he said a lot of encouraging and wonderful things about her, he would never know her like I did.  We headed to the cemetery to finish the service and to say our final goodbyes.  I watched as they lowered her casket into the ground and my heart sank even more.  Our last event of the day was a dinner at our church, and even though I was surrounded by family I still felt alone.

When I finally made it home I went into my room and turned on my computer. I opened up my email and saw an Ecard that some of the Ugly Ducklings had sent me.  I began to cry at reading their beautiful messages, and felt like all of my problems had disappeared.  It was in that moment I realized although I lost someone, I also gained something as well, and that is a family.  The Ugly Ducklings are my family and they have been by my side through this entire ordeal. They have offered more comfort than some of my own family and have even put a smile back on my face.

My advice to those who are going through a tough time in life is that the Ugly Ducklings will help you through it.  They are the most wonderful and caring people I have ever met, and cannot believe what they have created based off a tweet that Jennifer Morrison made. Every day I look forward to seeing what new things they are coming up with and I am proud to be a part of this life changing movement. They have helped realized that I am more than a duckling; I am a beautiful Swan, and no matter what life throws at me I will always have a family and will never be alone.  I am home.

*Mariah has recently joined the leadership of Ugly Ducklings Inc as the resource assistant. If you’d like to leave her a message of support, please do so by commenting on this post.